Monthly Archives: September 2011

Varmints

Yes, just a typical night in a small Montana town.  I drive in to town after work, have a glass of Pinot Grigio with my friend Mary at “The Grand Bar and Grille”.  Go over to “The Thirsty Turtle” to try out their food as they have just started a limited menu. My husband Mike is already there.   I have a chicken Caesar and he has some fries.  On our way out the door we say hello to the local Tea Bagger chief and then skedaddle.  Mike pulls ahead of me in his flatbed diesel truck and I follow with my Audi.   We both manage to miss the deer looking to do the kamakaze thing on us.

Mike had been about a quarter of a mile ahead of me and I saw him turn on to our road that leads up to the ranch house.  But he suddenly stops and I can see he’s driven off into the field and starts circling around.  Oh yeah, he’s spied a varmint.  Could be that skunk that has gotten our border collie several times this summer.  He gestures to me to pull up and stop.  It’s pretty dark and I guess that he wants me to help him locate the varmint.  I’m thinking it’s the skunk, so I’m looking for a flash of white.  I do see something but it disappears.

So here are the two of us, each in separate outfits, careening around.  My All Road is a great car, but it is not so good in the field.  So I stay on the road and he barrels around in the field until he hits an irrigation ditch and then comes back to the road.   I decide I can’t stand any more of this fun and I begin to head home.  But then I spot a critter.  Could be a porcupine.  I honk the car.  He comes up behind me.  But by the time he gets his gun loaded,  Mr. Porcupine has scurried off into the darkness.

As I run my car into the garage, I get a great big whiff of skunk.  Yes, we also have had a visit from another varmint who has skunked my dog.  So I run inside to close up the dog door.  Then I grab the bottle of Aqua di Parma and spray my bedroom.  Time to call it a night.  Yes, another typical night in a small Montana town for this Hollywood gal and her rancher husband.

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